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Tuesday, 27 January 2015

Day 1230 - Over and Out

MorrisseysWorld remains dead.
The only sign this week of anything vaguely MW related, was Alf's appearance in The Arms last Wednesday, when he used the hashtag 'KeepSmiling' to post, "Why?". He followed this up with, "Grow up? Why", and then, "Live Well? Why". I welcomed Alf with a "Good evening", to which he replied, "Bad Morning". I then pointed out that he had everything any man could wish for, and that his days should be full of light, to which he replied, "I am much happier in the dark."
Before disappearing, Alf asked, "Troubadour or trobairitz?", and then signed off stating, "Sylvia Plath had the right idea".
Related image
SYLVIA PLATH - TOOK HER OWN LIFE AT 30

It would appear that Alf, whoever he may be, is not in a particularly good place at present. Morrissey meanwhile, is in LA - no doubt living life as an International Playboy.

In the absence of anything MorrisseysWorld related, here is another old MW classic, in which Our Mozzer brings up the subject of David Roper's gout with Jonathan Ross! (Ed - Was this an 'in joke' between Moz & Wossy? I can find no reference to such a thing on google!):

SUNDAY, 21 JULY 2013

The Art Of Doing Nothing







Seminal artiste Morrissey is sitting in the centre of the sitting room in his hotel suite, sipping tea with a copy of The Times. Morrissey's  associates are sitting in a circle around him, each precisely seven feet and four inches away from him. They are: Boz Boorer (guitarist/musical director); Mikey Bracewell (former novelist); Mam (Mam/financial manager); Jonathan Ross (Speech impediment campaigner)

Morrissey: [looking up from the letters page] It's a little cold in here.

Boz Boorer: Would you like me to turn up the heating, sir?

Morrissey: Absolutely not, Boz. I've just had to cancel a tour on financial grounds, in case you hadn't noticed old son. Is it not enough that lugging around one's morbidly obese musical director has effectively bankrupted one's South American tour? Must you also seek to spend my pennies on quite unnecessary central heating costs? Are you trying to ruin me, Boz?

Boz Boorer: I'm very sorry, sir. It won't happen again, it certainly won't happen again, sir. You won't find me making that same mistake-

Morrissey: -Shut up, Boz.

Morrissey returns to the letters page, tittering at something.

Jonathan Ross: [dunking a ginger snap in his Ceylon] Well, this is lovely, Mozzer!

Mikey Bracewell: Yes, it's delightful, Morr-ee-say-

Morrissey: -Though a little chilly. Stop dilly-dallying, Boz-

Boz Boorer: [standing up, bowing and looking worried] -May I get you an umbrella, sir?

Morrissey:  Boz - we're indoors. How exactly would an umbrella help?

Boz Boorer: -I was just going to ask you the same question, sir...

Jonathan Ross: You're a right 'un Boz!

Boz Boorer:  That's funny - Mrs Boorer tells me I'm a wrong 'un, Mr Ross!

Morrissey: Am I still alive, or is this actually the afterlife? The tour cancelled due to Boz's spiralling weight and consequent transportation costs - no I won't purchase a winch; now I'm trapped inside an expensive hotel room with him - could this be Hell?

Mam: [Gazes up from her knitting] Be nice to him, Steven. Boz is one of your best friends.

Boz Boorer: [blinks a lot]

Jonathan Ross: I think Ms Dwyer's right, Mowwissey! It's time you gave old Boz a pay rise!

Mam: [smiles, nods, returns to her knitting]

Morrissey: [licking his lips] Yes because we all know how well you paid the four poofs over at the BBC, Jonathan. Is David Roper still having to sell his door knobs to get his gout seen to? I haven't received a begging letter from him for months - has he died?


DAVID ROPER ON YOUR RIGHT, SMILING DESPITE SEVERE GOUT

Jonathan Ross: Gout is a disease of affluence, Mozzer! Proof of how generous we were! And no - David is doing very well indeed!

Morrissey: How much did Mr Roper earn in a year?

Jonathan Ross: £80 000!

Boz Boorer: That's twice as much as-

Morrissey: -Be quiet, Boz. I'll defend you, old son. It's what friends are for. [turning to Wossy]  £80,000? That's a bit limited... for a TV personality on a Friday night slot... and the presenter is earning five million a year...

Mikey Bracewell: Jonathan, I think you'll find Boz works for the satisfaction of being part of the vehicle to deliver Morr-ee-say's seminal literary output. That's a tad different from being labelled a 'poof' on national tele, and having to sing show songs every Friday night in front of Cilla Black's old audience.

Jonathan Ross: That's the same thing that happened to them on a Friday night before they joined my show! It's what they do for fun!

Morrissey: Boz is just a part of a small covered wagon, with the wheels now off, incidentally. Boz Boorer has no desire to be on a low-brow talk show-

Boz Boorer: -That's right, Moz, but if you are short of poofs for your new show, Mr Ross, then I might-

Morrissey: [laughing uncomfortably] -Be quiet Boz.

Jonathan Ross: We'd be more than happy to accommodate you Boz. You could perform as Gaynor Tension. I've always said we need more transvestites on prime time TV!

Mikey Bracewell: I can't imagine Boz would consider lowering himself to such degrading work.

Boz Boorer: Maybe I should turn gay and become one of the poofs. At least then I could wear men's clothes while I work.

Jonathan Ross: You'd be a very successful gay man, Boz! The four poofs did once tell me you were 'their type!'

Boz Boorer: [smiles fulsomely, blushes]

Mikey Bracewell: I had no idea you were bi-curious, Boz...

Boz Boorer: I don't own an aeroplane at all, Mr Bracewell.

Morrissey [rolls his eyes, stares towards the life-size naked poster ofMorr-ee-say on the wall of the hotel suite]

Mam: Did you find out when Corrie is on, Steven?

Morrissey: I didn't, Mam - I forgot. [looking guilty]

Mam: [tuts, continues knitting]

Morrissey: I'm b*****d cold, Boz - sort it out immediately, and find out when Coronation Street will be broadcast on TV!

Boz Boorer: Yes sir, right away sir.

Morrissey: [flicks through a couple of pages of the Times, sips his tea, smiles softly]

Boz Boorer: -May I rub my hands on your back, sire?

Morrissey: Boz... [The seminal artiste lifts his eyes up from the page and fixes a glassy stare on Boz's eyes] Why would I want my back rubbed by your unkempt hands?

Boz Boorer: [looks at the floor, drags his toe around in a circle, looks at the ceiling] To keep warm, sire.

Morrissey: Heating instructions were given in the 'tour instructions' that Mikey supplied the MorrisseyBand with some weeks ago, on page seventeen, just after the MorrisseyBand Monopoly constitution. Are you telling me you haven't read the instructions on heating arrangements, old son?

Boz Boorer: [shakes his head, looks despondent]

Jonathan Ross: Boz, you negligent f***!

Mam: [looks up from her knitting and glances at Wossy, sighs and continues knitting]

Morrissey: What sort of a butler are you, Boz? It's all very well casting envious glances towards Jonathan's low-brow TV show, but how about actually fulfilling your contractual obligations to your employer, old son?

Boz Boorer: I'm sorry, sir-

Morrissey: Mikey, perhaps you could help Boz out. We don't want to humiliate the great lump-

Mikey Bracewell: -Boz, the instructions did clearly state on page seventeen that Morr-ee-say's hotel guests should be seated in a circle facing away from the seminal artiste at a distance of precisely seven feet four inches, but that in the event of the artiste feeling a little chilly, his guests should be moved in by one foot each hour until the artiste announces that, and I quote: "we are most satisfied."

Boz Boorer: [loudly encourages the guests to stand up, rearranges the chairs, measuring the distance with his tape measure on his hands and knees, showing some arse cleavage as he does so]

Ten minutes later everyone is sitting a foot closer to the seminal artiste and he is smirking at an article in the Times, appearing quite sanguine.


Morrissey: Have you forgotten something, Boz?

Boz Boorer: [looks blank]

Morrissey: -Coronation Street... [rolls his eyes, juts out his jaw]... and bring me some asprin..!

Boz Boorer: Yes, sir, at once sir. [he leaves the room]

Morrissey: The art of doing nothing is the art of capitalism.

Mikey Bracewell: I thought you were a socialist, Morr-ee-say-

Morrissey: I am, Mikey. I was being ironic.

Jonathan Ross: [smiles glibly]

Mam: Can I have one of those nice biscuits you have, Steven? The gluten-free ones?




Morrisey: [shouting] Boz...! Boz...!

My '@TheRatsBack' twitter account remains closed (as does Astra's, Broken's etc), but I used the '@UpthePier' account yesterday to ask for 5 re-tweets if people wanted me to do the usual Tuesday chart countdown today. I received two.

Over and out.



TWITTTERDILLY CHART (Not Broadcast)

1. LIFE IS A PIGSTY (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTSk7W4LAfA
Image result for pigsty 2007 hollywood


2. OBOE CONCERTO - MORRISSEY (DOWN 1): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs





3. SING YOUR LIFE (LIVE ON THE TONIGHT SHOW 1991) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1hjbPfynKM



4. SOME GIRLS ARE BIGGER THAN OTHERS (LIVE IN BERLIN 2009) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6kNYuhdX-U&feature=youtu.be

5. ZOU BISOU BISOU - GILLIAN HILLS (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HTfkcMxl8M&feature=youtu.be




6. FRIDAY MOURNING (LIVE IN BIRMINGHAM 2004) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6i7zuQ4N0M&feature=youtu.be

7. ALL THE LAZY DYKES (LIVE IN LONDON 2004) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86_adV-vK4g

8. LET ME KISS YOU - NANCY SINATRA (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pmj6VqmMVyo&feature=youtu.be





9. ISTANBUL (LIVE IN AUSTIN 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4h9J03Dtxao&feature=youtu.be


10. BOXERS - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UANBdod8Nuk



11. I'M NOT A MAN (LIVE IN PARIS 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 9): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV5EBlNC9jk



12. REEL AROUND THE FOUNTAIN (LIVE IN DERBY 1983) - THE SMITHS (DOWN 9): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfvGbgUnsdA





13. I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE (PLUS MORRISSEY'S HANDSHAKE WITH GEORGE -BOTH DURING SPEEDWAY - LIVE IN PARIS 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 7): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfgcozvAtsQ



14. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN HELSINKI 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 7): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSpWK19XscQ&feature=youtu.be



15. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN LONDON 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 6): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L9W-27XWEM


16. ART-hOUNDS (LIVE IN LONDON 2011) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 5): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWTibZkqPNU&feature=youtu.be


17. BALLAD OF THE MIGHTY I - NOEL GALLAGHER (DOWN 2): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzQYtpjMjSo#t=195

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Day 1223 - A MorrisseysWorld classic & the Chart

In the absence of anything MorrisseysWorld related appearing on the interweb, here is an old classic from the MW blog:

TUESDAY, 9 AUGUST 2011


My Live Tour Journal


August 3rd - August 8th

As the journalists seek to hang me out to dry - at long last, they groan - and my fanbase shrinks seemingly by the hour, it feels like 1983 all over again. My life is once again on the verge of intimacy and that slight sense of impending doom. Surely these are the perfect circumstances in which to launch my next collection of ten to twelve songs: all performed by yours truly with the assistance of the world's best, and best value, backing band.

At Belgium an encore would have been too generous; the Netherlands show was a little more lively. Nothing but dismay and apathy on the so-low place of course. With my rag-tag skeleton of a fanbase, the entire world considers me an insensitive b****** over the Norway comments and my name has become inexplicably intertwined with the absurd Deaux Soulliers brand. Could things actually get any worse? Cue Joyce to go on record as 'agreeing that Morrissey was right about Norway.' Great - just what I needed - moral support from the world's most morally bankrupt human being/session musician.

As we prepared to travel to London I thought I should check my band's email accounts under powers granted to me as an employer by sensibly-worded anti-terror legislation (one of Bliar's few achievements): now Boz isn't bright enough to pose a terrorist threat to a meat pie, so I rarely bother much with his dreary emails to Mr Collins and Suzi Quattro; but my other bandmates certainly have that malevolent quality, especially Jesse Tobias who is part-foreigner as you know. I was intrigued to discover the following correspondence in Jesse's 'deleted messages' file (he'd forgotten to cleanse):


From: Jesseaxe4hire@*********** To: boztherockboorer@*******

subject: SPS

NP B. Will endeavor 2 encourage S to consider health risks of S_ing. Inr risk of V I etc. Will take him 4 coffee.

J

*********************************************************************************

Naturally I was as intrigued as you are. Who is S? What is SPS? S_ing? V I?

I bided my time and then received a 'surprise' call to meet Jesse at a lovely little coffee shop that does the most mesmerising mochas. Jesse even offered to pay. Well, it's not often someone does something nice for me so I wasn't about to decline his kind offer... in some cultures that would be rude, not that you probably know about foreign cultures and that, being stuck on benefits in an industrial estate. During our relaxed discussions about set lists, T Rex and the FTSE 500, he quite spontaneously raised the small matter of an article he had found on the internet which argues men over 50 who remove their shirts when they've been exercising are at increased risk of viral illness and pneumonia. Said his 'wife' had told him that morning over breakfast; quite suddenly it became clear. My eyes glazed over but I nodded at all the right moments as Jesse mumbled about this and that in that innocent little voice, with a thin strand of hair falling over his brow. Bored me rigid. Would have been snoring had it not been for the excellent mocha with a double shot of the strong stuff. Did they send Jesse because he has my trust? Sly. Cunning. Cruel.

When I got back I delved into the depths of Boz's hard drive and there it was - incriminating evidence. The old duffer.

From: boztherockboorer@******* To: Jesseaxe4hire@***********
CC: mr_and_mrs_walker@***********

Dear all,

Boz here. I've just checked out Old Mozza's blog and it looks like we have a red alert. Seems like this really could happen. We need to sort things out to avert a disaster.

As usual, all correspondence should be written in coded language and only use secure web connections. Don't mess up lads - this is too important.

Code the same as usual

Morrissey = Stalin = S

Strip Prevention Strategy = SPS

S_ing = stripping

And remember to use vague language, lots of txt msg lingo so Old moz won't 'get it' and don't, whatever you do, just don't mention his age. Don't do that lads, it's more than your job's worth.

Godspeed

Boz

PS This mesage must be deleted and cleansed now, do not pass go, do not collect £200........................................................................ 

When will Boz learn? You don't mess with The Mozfather.

I got on with the London shows. I gave no outward indication of the knowledge I had gained about an evil conspiracy within my backing band to prevent me from expressing my sensuality on stage with a quick or not-so-quick removal of a sweaty shirt and a quick dab of said shirt on my exhausted musculature. Who are they to deny me?Who are they to deny my fans?

Well, well, well. They did notice on the so-low place that this little blog made the pledge to restart stripping to the waist just a day or two prior to restarting an old tradition with an ironic smile. A-ha. Lights coming on in heads. Slowly.

Another 'clue' at the Palladium? I promised to give another clue and I did - welcome to my world. Ah yes, just quoting Elvis. Absolutely nothing to do with an article I posted a few days prior to the Palladium featuring the review of a live DVD! The same words uttered at the beginning of my gig as a certain person utters at the beginning of his... nothing to worry about. Coincidence.

London was a joy. The slight sense of violence/glamour at this time only turned me on marginally more. As terrible as that may sound, I know you understand.

Well since the clues are too subtle - and now I see my fans are posting private correspondence on the so-low place while others post fake emails supposedly emanating from little old me - the subsequent clues will be slightly less subtle.

I may never post again on this blog but remember one thing. Just remember one thing.

I will soon appear in a Justin Bieber t-shirt, for irony value of course. And then you will no doubt be filled to the brim with regret. That is if you're bright enough to put two and two together. 'Oh it's coincidence!' they all cry. Then perhaps I'll even sing a few words of one of his songs? Or maybe not. Those of you who have remained true to me, I know who you are. Those who have not... don't come crying to me later. I won't be here. As for Boz and the old Strip Prevention Strategy: you haven't heard the last of this, Martin. Not by a long chalk. Now I think it might be time to don the old black shirt and black tie, tied nice and short... a little oversized jewellery and perhaps... yes, I will just take a moment to get the old cold stare just so. Where's my mirror? That's it. Lovely. Time to pay a quick visitto a certain rock musician...

Morrissey




TWITTERDILLY ARMS CHART

1. OBOE CONCERTO - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG_IDcxFRKs




2. I'M NOT A MAN (LIVE IN PARIS 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV5EBlNC9jk



3. REEL AROUND THE FOUNTAIN (LIVE IN DERBY 1983) - THE SMITHS (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfvGbgUnsdA




4. LET ME KISS YOU (LIVE IN DAVIS 2013) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpYvszrSzmM&feature=youtu.be


Morrissey-2013-Concert-Review-Mondavi-Center-Music-March-4-Set-List-The-Smiths-201-RSJ


5. SWEET AND TENDER HOOLIGAN (LIVE IN WOLVERHAMPTON 1988) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECSjeTAA2Uw




6. I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE (PLUS MORRISSEY'S HANDSHAKE WITH GEORGE -BOTH DURING SPEEDWAY - LIVE IN PARIS 2014) - MORRISSEY (DOWN 4): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfgcozvAtsQ



7. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN HELSINKI 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSpWK19XscQ&feature=youtu.be



8. THAT JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE (LIVE IN NEW YORK 2013) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w5V-nahuxU




9. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE IN LONDON 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L9W-27XWEM



10. CHEZ LES YE-YE - SERGE GAINSBOURG (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a2rrdti8XM&feature=youtu.be




11. ART-hOUNDS (LIVE IN LONDON 2011) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWTibZkqPNU&feature=youtu.be





12. KISS ME A LOT (LIVE IN BARCELONA 2014) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miRFRymncwo&feature=youtu.be

Embedded image permalink
THE IDEAL HEADWEAR FOR THE UPCOMING BOURNEMOUTH CONCERT


13. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT (LIVE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL 2007) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BA7CUrGYw&feature=youtu.be






14. THINGS WE SAID TODAY - THE BEATLES (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJAkVLSPXHM




15. BALLAD OF THE MIGHTY I - NOEL GALLAGHER (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzQYtpjMjSo#t=195




16. PRECIOUS - THE JAM (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cup2GSu3kR8&feature=youtu.be



Monday, 19 January 2015

Day 1222 - Shorts in Bournemouth (Unpublished)

Monday Jan 19th 2015

AlfsButton has appeared on twitter a few times in recent days, but has not offered anything of note. He has called for fans to continue bringing blue roses, and also states that he will wear shorts in Bournemouth.... yeah, right!

Fifi's only appearance was to answer a tweet from GOB saying that she hopes I am annoyed at her still following GOB on twitter. I am not annoyed.... or mildly interested!

Thursday, 15 January 2015

Day 1218 - The Gospel according to Poetic Luke

The following comment was left on FTM in the early hours of this morning:

Broken told me OM is at his wit's end over the lack of attention for his parody writing and the abject lack of comments.

Even the deluded dozen only left cursory thoughts, with a couple of exceptions.

Sadly it now sounds like there won't be a part 2 or 3.

Thank you all for a wonderful journey. It was fun to be a part of it all.

I notice even the publication of an interview in an unlikely place (louder than war) as promised and predicted by MW/broken barely registers outside of FTM. It's a funny old world.

I think Moz will wear a Bieber shirt soon. Most former MWers will shrug, "well, it's HARDLY that unexpected... he wore American Idol after all."

If he poses with a blue rose on his next album sleeve: "Oh well he's done that many times... live... during Hollywood High... didn't you know? Nothing to do with that SILLY blog."

Luke

Posted by Poetic Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 15 January 2015 at 05:18

NOTHING NEW HERE.... AND CERTAINLY NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT SILLY MORRISSEYSWORLD BLOG


Luke was one of the very first people to ever leave a comment on FTM, but this is the first time he has ever let us know that he is in contact with Broken....Hmm!

It would appear from Luke's comment that the lack of appreciation for the latest parody piece has crushed Our Mozzer, and it is hardly surprising. Only fourteen people bothered to comment on the piece, and of those fourteen, only Jaz & Astraea bothered to show any real passion for the content; we don't deserve to have the parodies. I myself stopped writing parodies for exactly the same reason; a writer needs a reaction, and needs to know that their efforts are appreciated and worthwhile.

Luke is also right regarding the Louder Than War interview, and no doubt his musings about the Bieber shirt and blue rose would also turn out to be true if either/both ever happened. It's all a dreadful shame....and yet at the same time, it is the work of a genius. How the hell did Morrissey manage to pull this off right under the noses of his own adoring fans?


GENIUS

Fifi has again been in The Arms today, passing pleasantries with three or four of her 62 followers. Fifi also posted a few pictures of Cocteau's paintings from Villa Santo Sospir, just as she did back on Day 830 of FTM; although from the reaction from those in The Arms this lunchtime, they obviously never bothered reading that blog entry of mine. No wonder no one believes this whole story, when even those who are interested don't bother to follow it all!

Embedded image permalink


Embedded image permalink
THE UNICORN GOAT FROM THE BEDROOM THAT JEAN COCTEAU SLEPT IN AT SANTO SOSPIR


And finally, priority tickets have today gone on sale for the arena concerts. Standing tickets on the priority site (UK.Mporium.org) are priced at £65 + £5 handling fee, and included with the ticket is a free Barber shop t-shirt that usually retails at £25. Non-priority standing tickets go on sale tomorrow priced at £45. Genius.



Ticket Tee Shirt

FREE(ISH) T-SHIRT


Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Day 1216 - The Bees Knees

TRM (The real Morrissey) has announced that he will play a number of UK arena concerts in March, which is a great Winter tonic, and VERY unexpected. I had presumed that the first half of this year would see Moz concentrate on his novel, and Boz record his new solo album, but it just goes to prove that you can never predict the Moz. I wonder if Solomon will be back from his "compassionate leave"?

I am only able to get to one of the concerts, but hopefully there will be more to follow.
Morrissey UK Shows March 2015
Following the announcement of the concerts, Fifi appeared in The Twit Arms, and exchanged small talk with us very excited fans. Fifi also posted a Youtube video of TQID/Speedway in Paris, and drew reference to the moment when Morrissey shook hands with George Edge. I knew that George had received a handshake (as mentioned here on Day 1139 0f FTM) but what I didn't realise at the time, was that Morrissey had very obviously singled George out for the handshake. Many hands were held out for The Mozziah, but it was George that Moz dived in for.... and then a broad smirk appeared:


AT 7:38, MORRISSEY SINGLES GEORGE OUT FOR A HANDSHAKE & THEN SMIRKS

I have still not yet received Part 2 of the MorrisseysWorld parody piece, but there has been yet another 'coincidence' to add to our list. Yesterday, the online music blog, Louder Than War (LTW), published an interview with Morrissey. The interview was conducted by renown music writer Nina Antonia, but the emergence of the interview immediately reminded a number of us MorrisseysWorlders of a connection between MW and LTW. Jon the Con left this comment on FTM regarding the subject:

I notice Morrissey gave an interview to Louder Than War! Just like MW said he would!!!!!! Nothing to see here, just another coincidence... like the blue roses... the top 10 lists.... the live references... Christ I can't remember tham all now!!!


Class!!!!
Jon




Jon then added:

I think it was broken who tweeted a journo from louder and told him to approach moz, because moz would give them an interview

Remember louder than war then called MW "the M!"

You can't write this stuff!


nina-antonia-l-a-m-f-films
NINA ANTONIA - INTERVIEW WITH MORRISSEY FOR LOUDER THAN WAR

Jon the Con is quite right about LTW referring to Parody Moz as 'M'. LTW's Editor-in-Chief, John Robb (@JohnRobb77), was invited on Boxing Day 2012  by Our Mozzer to interview him, to which Robb replied, "Interview would be great. Thanks M". And now he has his interview! That list of coincidences just keeps on growing.


JOHN ROBB - HE KNOWS!

Fifi again returned to The Arms at lunchtime today, for our weekly chart countdown. Fifi's presence brought in quite a crowd, but her presence also caused quite a distraction, especially when she lifted her sequinned dress to reveal her "bees knees"! Fifi also happened to mentioned that, "it is pretty sunny where I am", which as it has been pouring with rain across most of England today, would probably suggest that she is currently not in this country.


MORRISSEY EXPOSING HIS (BEES) KNEES

Embedded image permalink

That will do for today. I shall now return to my task of trying to work out what film was being shown during the singing of I'm Not A Man in the Morrissey concerts of last year. Romina was pretty adamant that it was the Visconti/Delon/Cardinale film Rocco and his Brothers, but last night I watched Rocco (without subtitles), and it is NOT the film shown during INAM; although Rocco is however a fantastic film, and bizarrely there is no detraction caused by not understanding the dialogue.... rather like opera I guess.


I'M NOT A MAN - THE BACKGROUND FILM REMAINS A MYSTERY


RENATO SALVATORI, LUCHINO VISCONTI, CLAUDIA CARDINALE & ALAIN DELON ON SET OF THE 1960 FILM, ROCCO AND HIS BROTHERS


TWITTERDILLY ARMS CHART 

1. I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS (LIVE IN ISTANBUL 2014) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHKdtjFNl3Y


2. I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE (PLUS MORRISSEY'S HANDSHAKE WITH GEORGE -BOTH DURING SPEEDWAY - LIVE IN PARIS 2014) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfgcozvAtsQ

3. I WILL CHANGE MY LIFE - FRANÇOISE HARDY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HnPnZB5RxM&app=desktop




4. I'M NOT A MAN (LIVE IN ISTANBUL 2014) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtSz5uTc49Y




5. THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME, THE CLOSER I GET - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCj_C-Yb3xI



6. CI STÒ - FRANÇOISE HARDY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msbAXEbsfLA

7. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY (LIVE IN ISTANBUL 2014) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohZeugyFrYU



8. LES CACTUS - JACQUES DUTRONC (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcErCp0z7Q0

9. COSMIC DANCER (LIVE IN UTRECHT 1991) - MORRISSEY (RE-ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCcMXBOF8gs

10. TROUBLE LOVES ME (LIVE AT THE FORUM LONDON 1999) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLSTMmoiKCg

11. LONDON (LIVE IN IRVINE 1997) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uALDdsgkphs

12. I'LL NEVER BE ANYBODY'S HERO NOW (LIVE IN BENICASSIM 2006) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZCWd6oBoEY

13. FAREWELL - AYSHEA (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDwtOl3zTSI



14. IL EST CINQ HEURES, PARIS S'ÉVEILLE - JACQUES DUTRONC (RE-ENTRY) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWxAQcdHN6Q



15. STRETCH OUT AND WAIT (LIVE IN LA 2007) - MORRISSEY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QuLYePegGA

16. EN DOUCE - JACK ARY (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMNbC4yQpbc

17. DRACULA - CHRISTINE PILZER (NEW ENTRY): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGaDQaNuBbQ


Friday, 9 January 2015

Day 1 2...1 2 (testing testing) -

It felt a little like the good old MorrisseysWorld days yesterday, as Fifi's OOOO (One of our Own) 'coincidence', set the Dreary Deluded Dozen excitedly chattering. Orange Mécanique asked Mme Fifi how she knew about the French mix of OOOO before it was announced on TTY, to which Fifi replied, "It must be the time difference. Surely."

I had further chats with Fifi in the toilets of the Twitterdilly Arms yesterday, but as I have learnt from previous experience, these toilet conversations are private affairs, so I cannot write here about the content; although I can say that one of the topics of conversation was about record labels, which sent Fifi flying back out into the public bar, where she played the following songs:

Ci Sto by Françoise Hardy, Les Cactus by Jacques DutroncDracula by Christine Pilzer and En Douce by Jack Ary.



Fifi also played Morrissey's live version of Cosmic Dancer from 1991 in Utrecht.... how can that possibly be TWENTY FOUR F****** YEARS AGO?


In my blog entry of yesterday, I posted the TTY picture of the proposed sleeve for Bullfighter/One Of Our Own. GWO noticed that in the picture, it referenced the mixing of Scandinavia, and she wondered why. Scandinavia was also due to be released as a 'French mix B-Side', so presumably the sleeve posted on TTY is a mock up of that particular single. Art-Hounds and Smiler with Knife were also both due to be released as French mix B-sides. I wonder if we will ever get to hear them?

And whilst I am on the subject of the Harvest sleeve, the Solowers were yesterday discussing what Harvest single may have originally influenced Morrissey when he signed to (FUCK)Harvest. I immediately remembered the single by Ayshea called Farewell, but I couldn't remember it's significance. I looked back through the FTM archives, and discovered that on Day 855 of FTM, it is recorded that Astra played Ayshea's Farewell a full two weeks before the (FUCK)Harvest deal was ever revealed. It now looks as though Astra had a DOUBLE premonition; what an apt choice Farewell was.



Also in that same FTM entry of January 16th 2014, it is noted that Mme Fifi played the Mauricet film clip in The Arms, that was used on the song Shame is the Name. Those were happy days.





Day 1211 - Daft Punk (Unpublished)

On January 8th 2015, I had this conversation with Fifi in the toilets of The Arms:

FIFI: I thought a Françoise song in Paris would be noticed. Disappointed. Nothing to say about OOOO, ask Harvest.

ME: I read a while ago about it, but is it actually coming out? Does it even exist?

FIFI: http://true-to-you.net/morrissey_news_150108_01

ME: Was that there all morning? I must have missed it! Or was it added later? Aghhhh!

FIFI: I don't know, why would I?

ME: Bastardy, fuck, cunty, bollock shite.

FIFI: So rude. I don't think it was online when I told you. I guess it was just a coincidence.

ME: I have updated my blog entry, but unfortunately nobody reads it, and nobody believes me anyway. HOW did it come to this? HOW? You clever bastardy fuck cunt.

FIFI: Nobody cares anymore, not even myself. You should stop caring too. See you soon. Don't bring a rose. Bring a bottle of Veuve instead.

ME: Maybe one day, when we are both dead and buried, someone somewhere may find the story interesting. Veuve is on ice.

FIFI: Let it go. It doesn't matter what time the TTY statement was posted or when I talked about it. What really matters is.... FUCK HARVEST. OOOO French Mix was beauty. But it's just a wild guess.

ME: I say the same to you - let it go. Harvest are not worth wasting energy on. History will not remember Steve Barnett-Fair, but the songs of WPINOYB WILL be there forever. Why don't you release OOOO French mix?

FIFI: Because it doesn't belong to me. Now, it is time to focus on the next one.

ME: *Pisses self with excitement* Oops, sorry about that! And do you have a label?

FIFI: Very gross. Labels knock on my door every day. Who to choose? No, I do not have a label, I am a pariah.

ME: Hmm, How about buying an old unused label? Is Disques Vogue still used?

FIFI: I believe it now belongs to Sony Music. Scandinavia, Art-Hounds and Smiler with Knife were also supposed to be released as French mix B-sides. Someday, maybe.

ME: What exactly does a French mix of a Moz song sound like? I can't imagine you mixing!

FIFI: I took lessons from Daft Punk.

ME: That's lucky. I like the idea of Disques Vogue!

FIFI: I did not mix anything. But I'm sure you knew that. I will ask Sony if it is for sale.

ME: Lol... or were you serious? I DO hope you were being serious. If they have no intention of using it, why wouldn't they let you buy it?

FIFI: I am writing them a letter.

ME: Don't sign it Pariah!

FIFI: Too late.

ME: Can I blog about this conversation, particularly regarding the other French mixes?

FIFI: You can talk about the french mixes. As far as I know it's not a secret. No need to mention you heard it from me.

Thursday, 8 January 2015

Day 1211 - "Nobody noticed? Nobody knew?"

With MorrisseysWorld having disappeared some time ago, my days of daily blogging are now well and truly over, but still I continue to keep an eye out, and I shall write if anything relating to the MW story appears in front of that outed eye of mine. Here is my diary of recent events:

Dec 29th 2014: The first section of Part 1 of Our Mozzer's new parody piece is posted on Day 1091 of FTM. I request that I be allowed to add a little something and permission is granted as OM sends this comment via 'R':

"That Rat B******d can write a few lines, but a certain singing poet will of course retain complete artistic control. Tell the c*** he can post a few lines at the end and we'll rewrite them to get them into some sort of sensible order. We don't want TheRatsBack simply appearing out of contest once again, and causing one's readers to have to give up their suspension of disbelief. Honestly, you'd think the c*** would know about suspension of disbelief, what with having written that ridiculous blog for three years."

Morrissey said these words while downing a port and Christmas pudding with Damon.

R

Posted by Morrissey to Following The Mozziah at 29 December 2014 at 12:38



Jan 1st 2015: The remainder of Part 1 arrives at FTM HQ, but I am told not to add anything, which I am rather frustrated about, as I wanted to have Boz Boorer referring to me as a c***, and I wanted to then insert a photo of my recently gained Boz Boorer autograph:


NEITHER YOU'RE OR YOUR! BOZ ADDS A TWIST BY GOING FOR YOU'E DURING HIS SIGNING SESSION WITH ME IN NOVEMBER AT VINYL BOUTIQUE... THE ILLITERATE CUNT (APPARENTLY!)

Broken returns to The Twitterdilly Arms and mentions that he has recently contemplated suicide again. Broken takes the piss out of Fluff Rat (the TRB twitter account remains closed), and then declares his love to me.... although apparently, "not like that"! Broken then announces that, "twitter is dead", and leads his (very few) followers to the MW chat room, where not particularly heavy words are then lightly thrown, i.e. idle chit-chat.

Jan 2nd: Fluff counts down the Twit Arms Top 30 of 2014, and both Fifi and Kristeen Young favourite a couple of entries. The full Chart of 2014 (all 285 songs) is published by me on FTM, but not posted on the home page, so that the MW parody remains in poll position. Broken & Astra's twitter accounts disappear. Morrissey writes his first TTY piece of the year, expressing his "delight" at seeing "serial killer", Karla de los Angeles "justifiably gored in a bullring". Morrissey remains a voice for the voiceless.

View image on Twitter

Jan 3rd: Fifi returns to The Arms, and exchanges small talk with Willow (@smashingblouse7), George (@edgeindustphoto) and Nicole (now @lapinblanc9) about plimsolls and patios. Nobody else interacts with Fifi, which bearing in mind all that has been written here on FTM about who Fifi is, is quite bizarre.
A new twitter parody account of me appears, using the name @TheRatLsBack. It is very obviously the work of Chuck, but as I closed the @TheRatsBack account a month ago, the parody is a bit meaningless.

Jan 5th: Astra leaves the following comment on FTM:

To my current top three favourite men – Rat, Broken, and JB, in no particular order, as all three of you bring an entirely delightful kind of very particular NO order, to my everyday.

Rat, very good to see you and to have you back. My twitter, and perhaps other people's backs, have missed you, your yours, and all of your you'res.

Broken darling, the parody is a deliciously dangling carrot so far. In MW parody world, time and time again I feel if I were to admit which parts I truly find funniest I should be ashamed of myself for laughing at the most inappropriate things, blushing for my transgressions, and then turning scarlet red as my own beating heart for it. Does life always imitate Art? Maybe. May be. I always laugh at all inappropriate things but am never ashamed, and I wouldn't be caught dead blushing. The transgressions will remain of course, but they can only ever be paired with the insouciance that falls by my wayside, my wayward ways, and the playful guile that is the innate and facile barometer of my life. Is everyone following so far? Didn't think so. That's fine, this is how things go. Not all things are for everyone. And nothing interesting ever will be, or will want to be. Remember that.

The parody. The parody! The parodies' comments are always very appreciative, but they often don't say very much, so let me even out the scales that weigh.

I can show you all my better side. That would be my left side, which is a side without inhibition. So let me swathe you all right now in exactly none of the reserve that I surely ought to have. Ought? Ought not. Thought not.

For anyone who's already confused right now, this is your cue, don't miss it - stop thinking.
Thinking's not for everyone, and it's invariably not just for Christmas.

Broken, the parody is so very meta. I'm impressed, and I'm impressed that you managed to parody-dazzle whilst so seemingly parody low-key. What makes the parody so artistically meta are the layers of parody upon the layers of parody that are being parodied. Combined with layers of irony, and I do mean layers, and I see a return to MW form that I haven't sniffed in awhile around here.

It's the meta, baby. It's all the meta. Looking forward to Part Two.
Picture Parody Perfect. And I do love a hanging bar scene.

As for this comment? This comment was an exercise in demonstrating the correct way to spin a jeu de mots.

Oh, the magic I weave. The webs I spin. The board games I love, and the ways I love to win.

Last but never least, in fact, last and never enough.... JB, I can't wait for your new album. When is it coming out? Call me. Your creative insight eclipses anyone's and everyone's, and I know that in between your beautiful new blonde hair and your baseball caps, your deliciously gorgeous, delectable blonde head is trying to generate some serious mental heat up there, desperate like a wintertime Inuit family caught huddling without a fire. Star sexy. And stay SEXXXY. I know you can do it.

See you on Twitter. Or maybe not. On second thought, yes, we'll go with maybe, most definitely not.

Well done Broken, OM, 'R', and team. Still punk as fuck.

Astra


Posted by Astraea to Following The Mozziah at 5 January 2015 at 22:34




Jan 6th: The Twit Arms chart of 2014 replaces the parody piece on the front page, with the parody having received comments from just 14 people. One day, Morrissey fans will discover these comedy gems written by Morrissey, and will collectively ask themselves, "how the hell did we miss all this"?

Fifi briefly reappears in The Arms to interact with the same three as before, and the twitter account, @AlfsButton returns to interact with Jesse (@MozFiend), Daz (@springheeleddaz), Kirky (@southkirk), Nathalie (@HoarsleyCry), Inge (@IngeKersten1980) & Kerry (@AmIMoving2Fast). Alf, who still claims to be Morrissey, offered the following:

"I have built a career despite blatant self-sabotage"
"If such a thing were possible I would remove 1997-2004"
"@AmIMoving2Fast @MozFiend Did you give up faith after Maladjusted? I nearly did myself"
"Trouble Loves Me is the jewel in a diseased crown"
"Oscar believed people to be in the gutters however I am in the sewers."
"If you take one thing from me it is that you should keep your summer of 2015 somewhat free"
"Life teaches us lessons that are entirely useless"
"Gin is my personal drink of choice. I must be a mother in ruin"
"Dullness is a crime"
"Cling onto hope. Nothing is more attainable than hope."

Bearing in mind all of Alf's very false predictions from last year, I would say the summer of 2015 looks a good time to do your own thing!

An interesting documentary about Morrissey fans from 1995 appears on Youtube.

Jan 7th: A new Calvin Klein advertising campaign is launched, starring Justin Bieber with Mrs David Walliams, Lara Stone. Could this be the start of the process of Bieber finding Morrissey?



Fifi leaves me a message in the filthy Twit Arms toilets, saying, "I saw the chart. I am surprised. Wasn't the Paris interlude song played in the Arms? Nobody noticed? Nobody knew?"

Jan 8th: I reply to Fifi saying, "How was this missed?" I inform her that I will instantly check-out Youtube, and she adds, "While you're at it, look for the French mix of One of our own... Oh wait...No, never mind."

A search of Youtube reveals that during the Speedway pause in Paris, Morrissey sang, "I will change my whole life, and I'll admit, until I met you, that I was all.... wrong". This line is from Françoise Hardy's I Will Change My Life (Je Changerais D'Avis). I have no idea how NOBODY noticed this was sung, and disastrously, neither Morrissey's nor Françoise's versions, made the Chart of 2014!


It is revealed that Bradley Steyn has dropped his lawsuit against Morrissey. The world remains full of crashing bores.

We now await the next part to the parody piece, and what does Fifi mean about a French mix of One of Our Own?


STOP PRESS: Added at 14:00hrs (Original blog entry posted at 12:49) - The following statement has been posted on True-To-You:

8 January 2015

The Bullfighter Dies / single

The 45 pictured below was scheduled for global release by Harvest, but scrapped by Steve Barnett at the last minute. The b-side was the original French mix of the song One of Our Own.
The Bullfighter Dies (1)
The Bullfighter Dies (2)


Fifi's message saying,  "While you're at it, look for the French mix of One of our own... Oh wait...No, never mind", was sent to me at 10:17 this morning. Make of it what you will. In fact, DON'T make of it what you will, let me spell it out...... actually, in the words of the great KW, what's the bloody point?

*Goes off singing* debut à la pierre de l'un des notre propre.

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